Her All Along Read online

  Well, fuck. I dropped my gaze to my plate and found a bit of melted cheese very interesting to investigate. “I didn’t know you counted them,” I informed her. “That’s good to know.”

  Pipsqueak giggled and left her seat. “You’re too funny sometimes, Mister.” She joined my side of the table and nudged me with her knee, so I took the hint and scooted out. “Hi.” She plopped down sideways across my lap and draped an arm around my shoulders.

  “Hi.” I chuckled and stroked her thigh. “Will you forgive my thievery?”

  She nodded and leaned in to kiss me.

  Seeing as Grace was in the middle of a serious conversation with her toy train, I figured I could steal a quick minute with the other girl in my life who liked to drive me bonkers.

  “I told myself to behave throughout dinner,” she confessed. “Dinner’s over.”

  I shuddered and cupped the back of her neck as I angled for a deeper kiss. “I told myself to behave until that little monkey over there had gone to bed.” I’d also told myself not to ask if I could see her waxed pussy until later tonight… “I need a quick look,” I whispered.

  She knew what I was referring to, and she lifted her little tank dress for me.

  I pinched the thin waistband of her panties and peered down between her legs. Fucking hell. Completely bare. Unable to help myself, I drew a finger along the smooth slit, eliciting a shiver from her.

  “I’m gonna bury my tongue here in a couple hours.”

  She exhaled shakily. “Okay.”

  Grace was asleep before Pipsqueak was done working in the kitchen, so I took a shower and then sat down in the living room to catch up on the news.

  No thievery required. Pipsqueak brought me coffee, a snack plate of three chocolate truffles, and a handful of potato chips.

  “You’re amazing, you know that?” I pulled her down quickly for a languid kiss.

  She smiled, tasting of chocolate. “I hope you like them. They actually go with the chips.”

  “Yeah?” My interest was piqued. “Is it the next top seller?”

  “No, I’m not gonna sell them. You kind of need the chips for the blend to be complete,” she replied, straightening. “I just wanted to experiment with something that might be up your alley.”

  Now I was even more curious. I leaned forward and inspected the plate. She advised me to take two chips and one chocolate. There was a fine yellow dusting of something on the chips that hadn’t been there before. She must’ve sprinkled it on.

  I did as told and bit into the strange combination, and then my mouth was engulfed in the flavors of dark chocolate, sea salt, caramel, potato chips, and cheddar. That was the yellow dusting. Popcorn seasoning with cheddar flavor.

  “How the fuck can this be delicious?” I blurted out with my mouth full. It was a mindfuck and a half.

  Pipsqueak beamed down at me. “I’ll consider that a success!”

  She should. Goddamn.

  “I just need another hour or so,” she said. “Holler if you want anything.”

  I was beginning to want a whole lot from her.

  There were worse things than being woken up on the couch by Pipsqueak on her knees, tugging at my sweats.

  I yawned and lifted up enough for her to yank them down.

  She must’ve muted the TV.

  She must’ve drawn the blinds on the patio doors too.

  “You ready to go to bed, baby?” I asked drowsily.

  “Not yet.” She leaned forward and sucked my soft cock into her mouth.

  I blew out a heavy breath and rubbed at my face.

  “Fuck,” I whispered.

  She got me hard in no time.

  My head lolled back along the couch cushion, and I threaded my fingers into her hair to guide her movements over my cock. She sucked me greedily and as if she were doing it for herself, as if it gave her pleasure to suck me off.

  Jesus.

  I offered lazy, sluggish thrusts, feeling the tip of her tongue tracing the vein on the underside of me.

  My eyes nearly rolled back when she took me so deep that her throat squeezed the head of my cock.

  Her short but very intense introduction to giving head had taught her two things, one of which she’d expected and felt bad about before I’d set her mind straight. She couldn’t swallow. She couldn’t handle the texture when my come flooded her mouth. And I just couldn’t care less. I’d rather come in her pussy anyway. But the second thing, and my fucking God, was it amazing—her nonexistent gag reflex.

  “I’m not gonna last,” I warned, out of breath.

  She hummed and swirled her tongue around me, suckling at the slit and grazing her teeth carefully along the ridges.

  “Fuck—fuck, fuck,” I groaned. “Elise—now.”

  She scrambled off the floor and got on all fours on the couch, and I bunched up her dress before I slid her thong aside. The sight of her made my mouth go dry. I kneaded her ass cheeks and guided my cock to her wet entrance, and I just pushed in. Hard. All the way. Her moan spurred me on, but she knew it wasn’t going to be a lasting fuck. With a tight grip on her hips, I all but jackhammered into her tight pussy until my orgasm took over a couple minutes later.

  Yeah, no, I seriously couldn’t care less about her not wanting to swallow. Sweet mother of…fuck.

  The absolute best part was how needy she became. When I slumped back into my seat and righted my clothes, she was ready to climb the walls because of how sexually frustrated she was. Tonight, I stopped her before I became the wall she climbed.

  “I want you to stand up in front of me and slide down your panties,” I said.

  Flushed with need and her nipples tight underneath her dress, she came to a stand between me and the coffee table. Her underwear ended up on the floor.

  I parted my knees a bit more and tugged at my junk. “Spread your legs.” I nodded at her. “Lift your dress, too.”

  Pipsqueak and I had had a couple enlightening conversations about porn recently. She’d admitted her library was quite fucking impressive, and for several years, it was how she’d fueled her fantasies. Porn and erotic novels she’d found online. She wanted it rough, she wanted it uninhibited, she wanted it dirty, she wanted me…to control her.

  This was better than porn. This, right here, her standing in front of me, dress bunched at her waist, her wet little pussy on display for me.

  “Rub your clit,” I murmured. “Let’s see if you can get yourself off before my come has run down your leg.”

  She whimpered and obeyed like the good girl she was. “What if I can’t?”

  “I think you can.” I leaned forward and traced a finger along the inside of her thigh. “My baby’s already so fucking wet.”

  Her breath stuttered, and she trembled a little. I loved reading her body, from how her pupils dilated and her skin flushed, to the tremors and changes in her breathing.

  Elise was, without an ounce of doubt, the most stunning creature on this earth.

  So, I leaned back again to enjoy the show.

  In Seattle, things were getting too real.

  I’d felt it the moment we got in my car that morning to go to the aquarium that this was no longer a secret game of pretend where we stayed hidden in my house to live out our dirty fantasies.

  Our entire visit to the aquarium was a family date. Pipsqueak snuck me kisses and the happiest of smiles in between the displays and keeping track of Grace, who oohed and aahed at all the fish. My daughter led the way with both her hands in the air, gripping Pipsqueak’s fingers.

  The signature tunnel through a massive tank that I assumed most aquariums had was obviously the most mesmerizing to Grace.

  Maybe for me too, because when you stayed in the background, you saw everything. And what I saw was Elise treating Grace like she was the only girl in the world. I watched her pick up Grace in her arms and point at all the fish. For Grace, Pipsqueak never ran out of patience or enthusiasm.

  I could also see that Elise was painfully aware that
she was leaving soon. She hadn’t let me take Grace a single second today. It was her day with my daughter, and she wasn’t going to waste it.

  Instinct told me to capture the moment, and I managed to get one photo that instantly became the background on my phone. Elise had her eyes closed, and she was kissing Grace’s cheek. Grace pointed in awe at a stingray.

  I was so thoroughly fucked.

  But that didn’t stop me from taking things further, and by the time we were done at the aquarium, Grace was tuckered out and asleep in her stroller, so I swooped in and stole Pipsqueak’s attention. I draped an arm around her shoulders and drove the stroller with one hand, and I pressed a kiss to Elise’s temple.

  “Now you can focus on me for a bit,” I said with what I hoped was a charming grin.

  She chuckled softly and gestured toward the gift shop. “Just one quick stop before we leave.”

  Once inside, she picked two of the same penguin and said she wanted to use them to stay in touch with Grace while she went off to San Francisco. Pipsqueak was going to use her free time to see some sights, and she’d bring her penguin to include it in pictures. In the end, there would be an album for Grace, an album that displayed all the places in which she’d been on Pipsqueak’s mind while they were separated.

  I could only stare at her as it felt like my insides shattered into a million pieces. Fucking hell, she couldn’t leave me. Leave us.

  “I hope she’ll appreciate it one day, at least.” She bit her lip, hesitant, gauging my expression. Then she mustered a smile and booped the penguin to my cheek. “And I thought we could use the penguins when we talk over a webcam. I don’t want her to forget me.”

  I swallowed and pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. The whirlwind of emotion within me was demanding to be processed and acknowledged, but I wasn’t sure I could go there if I wanted to keep my composure.

  This fucking girl needed to be checked for halos.

  “She won’t forget you.” I kissed the side of her head. “Let me get my two girls some penguins.”

  She peered up at me with an unsteady smile and glistening eyes, and I shook my head and kissed her.

  “Don’t.” I cupped her cheek and rested our foreheads together. “You’re not leaving yet.”

  She swallowed, then released a breath. “Right. We have time.”

  After we stepped out of the aquarium, we walked over to the waterfront park nearby and found an empty bench under a tree.

  We shared the area with plenty of tourists, ice-cream-eating kids, and the occasional jogger in colorful workout clothes.

  “I forgot to tell you something.” I grabbed our sodas from Grace’s diaper bag and handed Pipsqueak her bottle. “I made an appointment to get my eyes checked.”

  “Oh wow. Only fifty years late, but go you.” She smirked and uncapped her Coke. “What made you finally listen to reason, aka me?”

  I chuckled and took a swig of my own Coke. “The other day, I got a headache from reading Grace a bedtime story. I figured if that was painful, I don’t wanna know how it’ll be when I get back to work and have to grade tests in font size twelve.”

  “Good call.” She turned the stroller so she could see Grace.

  Sensing that the aquarium visit had drained her of energy—probably combined with the worries of leaving—I slid closer and put my arm around her.

  She exhaled and rested her head on me.

  I pressed my lips to her hair, lingering. “Pipsqueak, why didn’t I get a full day with you?”

  “Dammit,” she whispered. “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask.” She picked at the label on her bottle. “Can I tell you when we get home? I don’t want to do it here.”

  “Of course.” Now I was suddenly worried I didn’t want to know.

  If cutting me out from her family days was a way to let me down gently or part ways gradually, she was doing a horrible job at it.

  Fuck.

  All this wasn’t some last hurrah, was it? A collection of memories to bring with her when she started her new life in California? No, that wasn’t like her. I couldn’t believe that.

  Twenty-Three

  When Elise asked to put Grace down for the night, I should’ve known she was going to stall upstairs.

  It was past ten, and Grace hadn’t slept one bit on the way home. She was sleepy as hell, so it shouldn’t take more than ten minutes to change her diaper, get her into her pajamas, and put her down.

  I grabbed a beer in the kitchen and then trailed out to the patio in the back, and I walked straight past the chairs, opting to sit down on the edge of the deck.

  How many times had I sat here in the early hours of the day and spotted Pipsqueak jogging across the playground to join me?

  Before I’d repaired the deck, before the new patio furniture, before the retractable awning, before the grill, before Grace, before we lost Jake.

  Just her and me.

  “What’s it like to be normal?”

  “What’s it like being you?” I took a sip of my coffee and refolded the paper. My quiet morning on the deck took a hike whenever Pipsqueak joined me.

  She glanced up at me with a scrunched nose, all summer freckles, sleep lines on her cheeks, and messy pigtails. “I asked you first. You’re a teacher. You’re supposed to answer and teach.”

  I snorted and rested my elbows on my knees. The sun was about to come up. Soon, the dew covering the grass and bushes would glisten with the first rays of sunshine.

  “If a teacher never asked questions, there’d be no quizzes,” I pointed out.

  “That would be cool.”

  “I’m going somewhere with my question,” I said patiently.

  She whipped her head to the left, then the right. “Where?”

  I smirked briefly at her way of taking things literally. “Just answer, you nut. Or I’ll tell your parents you left the house in your PJs again.”

  She huffed. “Fine. It’s weird being me, okay? I don’t understand humans, and they don’t understand me.”

  I nodded. “Most people go through that. Screw what’s normal, Pipsqueak. Don’t worry about others. You do you.”

  “You could’ve just said that…”

  I took a swig of my beer and smiled faintly to myself. The grass felt damp under my bare feet, and rain hung in the air. Pipsqueak loved the rain. She was one of the reasons I’d installed the roof over my patio, so she could sit out here and listen to the pitter-patter and Grace could crawl around without getting wet.

  Elise had been an integral part of my life long before I’d realized it and started showing my appreciation for her. It was kind of what she did. She snuck up on you, and once you found yourself in her inner circle, it was impossible not to love her. Because she did everything in her power to make those people happy.

  I’d never struggled to understand her, though. If anything, when the world had been a dark place of cheaters and liars, she’d lit up my existence with honesty and curiosity. I’d listened, I’d asked questions, I’d paid attention, and I’d earned her trust. Most people were fleeting passersby, and maybe they weren’t supposed to understand her. Maybe Pipsqueak wasn’t meant to understand them either. But some were there, year after year, and I had to hold that spot in her life.

  I couldn’t be fleeting for her, because I knew now that she was eternal for me.

  For the longest time, I’d thought that was bullshit. I’d had Finn when I was a kid. What we’d suffered through had brought us together in more ways than brotherhood. I’d sure as hell never felt anything remotely similar for my ex-wife, or any other for that matter. Until Pipsqueak nestled her way under my skin and straight into my heart.

  When had she become everything?

  Our history blurred the lines, and our age difference even more so.

  I heard the patio door slide open behind me, and Elise walked over and sat next to me.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey, you.” I took another swig from my beer before I set down the
bottle on the deck. “Grace is asleep, I take it?”

  She nodded and pulled up a knee to rest her chin on it.

  That sight alone made me want to swoop her into my arms and protect her from whatever troubled her.

  “When I visited Ryan and Angel in San Francisco, I told them about a plan I had.” She dipped her head farther and planted her forehead against her knee instead. “I was so nervous, but Angel promised to help me. Ryan was…supportive? Worried. He was worried. He told me some military quote about how no plans ever survive the initial contact with the enemy.”

  Sounded like Ryan. And Darius, for that matter.

  “But I interpreted him literally, of course. You weren’t my enemy, so I didn’t think it applied to my plan.” She cleared her throat and lowered her knee again. “He’s explained to me since then that all he meant was that we always forget something. We forget to consider the human factor,” she said. “We can strategize and devise a perfect thousand-step plan, but all it takes is one delayed shipment because someone had to go to the bathroom, or one pissed-off squadron leader who ordered two hundred sit-ups before sending his unit out, or one panic attack at the first sound of an explosion…and then all those following steps in the plan are useless.”

  Ryan had a signature way of explaining things.

  “So, here’s my stupid, childish plan,” she muttered. Then she grabbed something next to her and handed me a palm-sized little notepad. “I didn’t even get started on the first step because spending time with you like we have recently has changed everything.” She paused. “I was going to ask you to spend a day with me away from everyone when I felt confident that I’d completed step one, but since I failed miserably and only succeeded in screwing myself over…there you go.”

  I frowned, having no clue what she could possibly be referring to, but I didn’t like her talking about failure regarding these past couple of weeks. They’d been the best of my life.

  I flipped open the notepad and stifled a quick grin at her first task, though there was no stopping the elation that surged through me. Or the fact that she went from fucking adorable to whatever superlative multiplied adorable by ten.